Don't Break Down

You know I can't hold back
These days I've only dreamed
Because boy I'm afraid
I'll never be able to hear your voice again

And for those times I've had you
You took my hand and prayed
Forever for my happiness

Boy, it's not longer the same without you
I beh to turn back time
My tears continue, flow endlessly
As you sing that song of mine

*"Girl I beg you, never break down
Don't you cry those tears
Even if your days are marked with sorrow
Don't break down, always come back
Don't lose those tears no more

"Boo 'cuz you know, I've lived my life
Here for you now, no lies, it's true
Take my hear, I'll sing it again
Because I love you."

As my eyes burn,
These tears that I've forced dry
I look at these pictures
I wonder why, why it's forced good-byes

*"Girl I beg you, never break down
Don't you cry those tears
Even if your days are marked with sorrow
Don't break down, always come back
Don't lose those tears no more

"Boo 'cuz you know, I've lived my life
Here for you now, no lies, it's true
Take my hear, I'll sing it again
Because I love you."

My memories of you
None but bloodstained
Take my hand, one least time
Now one last time I sing

Boy, I cray one last time as you sing.

*"Girl, I beg you, never break down
Don't you cry those tears
Even if your days are marked with sorrow
Don't break down, always come back
Don't lose those tears no more

"Boo 'cuz you know, I've lived my life
Here for you now, no lies, it's true
Take my hear, I'll sing it again
Because I love you."



Written: August 14, 2009

Angel singing to me

It's a storm that I'm fighting
A battle against fate
I wanna meet you some day
A dream yet to exist

You're so far away
Yet your voice always sings to me
We've never met
But if one day we could meet, I'd tell you

It's never enough
When I'm away from you
I'm never safe
Without your arms around me
Your voice is here yet you're so far away

It's never enough
Watching you from afar
I'm never safe
Without knowing you are
Tell me there will once come a day
I meet this angel singing to me

I listen to your songs each day
A layer of climbing melodies
A voice so pure, as tears well up
But it's not sadness, I'm happy

A lullaby that sings each night
My heart earns for you so
Promise me, you'll listen some day
As these words outpour, my dedication to you

It's never enough
When I'm away from you
I'm never safe
Without your arms around me
Your voice is here
Yet you're so far away

I'ts never enough
Watching you from afar
I'm never safe
Without knowing that you are
Tell me there will once come a day
I meet this angel singing to me

Your voice, I plea
The source of your beauty
But because I'm only a fan
I can only dream

It's never enough
Singing me to sleep each night,
Singing my personal lullaby
I'm never safe
You're miles away,
Yet you're in my dreams each night

It's never enough
When I'm away from you
I'm never safe
Without your arms around me
Tell me there will come a day
I meet this angel singing to me

Singing to me...

It's a storm I'm fighting
A battle against fate
I wanna meet you some day
A dream yet to ....exist.



[Dedication to Arron Yan. 阿巿，我愛您 ]

Life Of A Famous (A Fahrenheit Fanfic) [3]

[3]

I took my time in the rest rooms fixing my hair, giving up and putting it up a different way. I then washed my face completely and re-applied all my make up. It wasn't much, I liked to stay casual when it came to looks, but I did it anyways. I then went to the counter in the front to buy a large pack of "Goslette Raisins", three of them actually. I knew Arron didn't like chocolate unless it was homemade his way. And thus, of course this was for me, not him.

I went back to where he was in the near top row, the girls went back to where they were with a few guy friends, the guys looked enviously at Arron. Trying to put on my best "happy-go-lucky" facade, I quickly and gracefully hopped the few stairs of the aisle to his side. He stared at me in awe (or more like the chocolates,) with the "are you insane?" look. I shrugged, ignoring him stubbornly and took my place, the ads were still going, the movie wasn't due for another 5 minutes or so. Weird, I was hoping it'd already started so that I'd have some time to think of an excuse before my car ride with him back.

"You did something with your hair." He observed pleasently. His voice remained calm and down in a murmur, I guess he was still trying to keep his profile low. Well at least he wasn't wearing sunglasses inside a theatre.

I nodded at his comment, seeming fixiated on the random advertisements. He opened his mouth to make another comment, I pulled open one box of Goslettes and began chowing, chewing slowly with each peice.

"Naome, are you mad at me for some reason?" he asked, honestly confused. Don't look him in the eyes. I repeated to myself. No, don't do it, don't do it.

I looked.

Fine, I looked.

I froze, stared, fell deep and didn't have the strength to look away.

I knew this would happen. Fine, I'll admit it. Recently, I've found Arron slightly attractive. Slightly. I mean he's cute and all but, it's not like he's that attractive. Maybe. Okay fine, I'm starting to like him. A lot. Ever since Calvin brought me to their rehearsal once and I've listened to him sing! Okay, all of them had pretty attractive parts to themselves, some more obvious than others. I wanted to slap myself for not being able to look away.

"Arron? Omg! It really is Arron Yan!" some girl shrieked. Well, several girls. "Ya Lun!!" Well I guess I looked away, simply to glare at them. Never seen them in the theatre yet so I guess they just arrived. I sighed and chewed my Goslettes quicker and sinking deeper into my seat. I chuckled when Arron faught the nerves to roll his eyes. His hand was shaking, I patted it with sympathy.

"Is that his girlfriend?" one of the murmured while they were heading up the stairs. I almost laughed at that. But the other cut in, her comment almost made me want to dump my large cup of coke on her. "Hah, you wish. Haven't you been reading the mags? That's Calvin's sister." Now I'm pretty sure I imagined the emphisis but either way, it was still gag worthy. It was Arron's turn to pat my hand in sympathy. I almost stuck my tough back out at him when the girls almost ran down the row of seats to reach us. More like him. I would probably go just as well as passing for invisible when it came to fangirls.

I purposely put my feet up on the chair in front of me where no one was sitting, my legs stretched across the walking space. When they reached us, they didn't cross or bother to deal with the obstacle between them and Arron. "Arron! Oh my gosh! Can I have your autograph I mean, I am... a huge fan." The first one spoke. She was the one that pointed out that I was Calvin's sister.

After 1 minute I got irritated. I took out my i-pod and plugged it in, turning the music to max. It drowned out the conversation happening to and fro across me but it didn't work well otherwise, I still felt their presence. They left when the lights started dimming, sitting in the row directly above us.

I unplugged my i-pod and stared at the screen, throwing the rest of the first box of Goslettes into my mouth. I chewed the mouthful of Goslettes and swollowed them though they didn't quite fit down my troat all at once. I was gonna reach down for my second box of Goslettes but something or someone grabbed my hand. No doubt about my stupid paranoia, it was Arron. I had to be truthful, the feeling wasn't annoying but actually quite peaceful. Am I liking him now? I hope not. I didn't want to have a boyfriend, seen in my past, the closer I got to someone, the more painful they died.It wasn't superstition, it was something about my life that was like that. Something that made me neglect people forever.

But despite all that, the more selfish part of me wanted him. Wanted to have him no matter what risks were taken.

I held is hand for the rest of the movie.

During the last scene, we got up and left, we could probably watch the ending another time, but we just didn't want any trouble with more fans.Unwillingly, I let go of his hand as we snuck out of the theatres. As we made our way out the car, there was a sudden gust of paparazzi. Great, nothing better than that. And the stupid manager wasn't here either. We were barely out the door, when they bambarded us with questions, the cameras were flashing at blinding speeds. Without answering any questions, Arron grabbed my hand and excused himself, pushing our way through the crowd. I tried not to imagine what the headlines were to say tomorrow. Unsuccessful, I told Arron to take the wheel when we arrived there because as predicted, a few minutes after we hit the free way, tears started forming. They were gonna do something, it was the media, they weren't gonna stop until they knew everything going on between us.

I didn't know why I was crying, but cried anyways, the stress was too much. Arron didn't bother to say anything but stole a few concerned looks at me once in a while. I stopped crying after, knowing I was being a baby.

I didn't notice where we were but we got off the freeway and he had parked in an underground parking. Suddenly I felt his arms around me.

"Naome, what's wrong? Tell me." He said softly, he patted my head with one head slowly, sliding it gently down my hair. I reached across the hand break and stuff between us and hugged him.I knew I was supposed to calm down, but I wondered if his heart was beating just as fast as mine was. Probably not, he's a celebrity and about 4 years older than me, he probably held more women than I've held anyone.

"I'm scared." I confessed, my voice hoarse and cracky.

"It's okay," his voice soothed me, soft as ever. Never had he raised his voice with me before, and I was glad that's the way it was between us, nothing like Calvin and me. "We'll handle this together. We'll explain to the media, they should know that we're just really good friends. And you should know that you're like a sister to me. Don't cry, it makes me heartbroken.I'll always put myself in blame. Let's go explain to the company.

They'll know what to do. Don't be scared."

A sister...

I swear to never fall in love again.

Life Of A Famous (A Fahrenheit Fanfic) [2]

[2]

Well... I can finally truthfully say that I've gotten used to talking to these people. And probably used to the fact that appearantly they are my new "family". Hopefully I won't get too close as to harm them more than anyone in the past. Luckily though, for the past weeks, I've been so caught up with my studies, the only time I did see them was for breakfast and during the weekends if they weren't filming.

"I don't get it," I murmured to myself while walking down the hallway towards the lobby, "If Calvin's parents really did want to adopt me, WHY ON EARTH IS NO ONE HOME!" I shouted. Today was a Saturday afternoon, WHO GOES TO WORK ON A SATURDAY AFTER NOON?! Besides, it was the first day ever since I started school here in Taiwan that I had no homework. I wasn't even aloud out of the house without one of my "accompaniments." You know what? Forget it, I'm getting out of here. Making my way to the parking lot, I got in my car (which I didn't even get to drive except for once with Arron after school.) Just as I started the engine a voice called out to me.

"Ditching eh? I wonder what your parents would say when I tell them." I looked out the side of my red convertable to see Arron standing beside his car which had just pulled in appearantly. "You wouldn't dare," I replied with my eyes narrowed.

"Your right I wouldn't," He replied with a smile. I gave a slight chuckle, he was always like that. "I wouldn't, but only if you tell me where you're going."

"I was hoping you'd know," I told him, and for once, I looked up at him long enough to end up staring at his facial features. His eyes, the bottom lashes are so... long they make his eyes look... mesmerizing. He was... just plain adorable.

He widened his eyes in concern, "are you okay?" he asked as I snapped out of my dream world. I nodded and opened the passenger door for him to get in. Within two minutes we were setting off in the direction on the free way. "Hey, go off the next exit." He told me. Without questioning I switched lanes and drove swiftly off the ramp. "Okay and take a right at the next light." I did as I was told and soon, we were at an asian snack bar.

"Two skewers of fishballs and two strawberry bubble tea please." he ordered. Within two minutes, the food was served to our table. "Eat up," he demanded.

I sighed and bit one off the stick. "Wow it's good." I acknowledged.

He rolled his eyes and ate some of his. "Of course." However, I stopped in mid bite. "Whats the catch?" I asked suspiciously. He rolled his eyes again. "Can't I just bring a friend out to eat?" I ignored it and continued to chew on the meat. "Hurry up, we're going to a movie next." he told me.

I looked up at him. "Is it just me or does it sound like a-"

"Date."

I was right. My relationship with Arron had grown a lot closer since we first met. Several times, he would pick me up from school, trying to stay as conspicuous as possible. It's only then, I found out how hard it was being a celebrity.

Before, I naturally hated all celebrities (part of my reason for my reaction the first day) because I felt that they don't use their money right and they think they're all that. My thoughts on that haven't changed, but more like influenced when I fould out how hard they had it. Arron, Calvin, Jiro and Chun, always being tackled by fans and papparazi.

It didn't take long beforeI was exposed to being Calvin's step-sister. The rumours before that were crazy.

"Calvin and new girlfriend? Both constantly found living and visitting the Chen residence. Possibly engaged?" I almost laughed that one off. That's when I lost it. Throughout that one week, the rumours have been going off the charts, spotting me with Arron here, Jiro there, Chun somewhere else. They thought I was a whore!

That's when I put my foot down. "Seriously Calvin, tell the media before I blow it." Me and my brother haven't been on good terms since then. We've ignored each other as much as possible. Him, knowing from the first day that I didn't like being here, especially because I didn't want anything to do with him. The rest of the Fahrenheit members I got along well with. Even Chun who is more or less 10 years older than me.

Now, the streets knew the whole truth. They know me as being "Calvin Chen's little sister." great.

"What movie do you want to watch?" Arron asked. We were parked outside the theatre. (We'd learned that debating movies right in front of the entrance, was definately not a good plot. Not with fans running wild) Even now and then, people would stare. Whether at the car or at us, I'm not sure, but they're there.

"I dunno, you choose." I mumbled. He nodded.

In the end, we both decided on a comedy romance film. I couldn't help but imagine the magazine head lines if someone had spotted us. Something along the lines of: Arron Yan dating bandmate's sister? or Fahrenheit's youngest member caught watching romance film with bandmate's sister. Something that Calvin would have trouble getting off his back. Not that much trouble ( I gotta admit, their manager has some skills,) but enough to bother him? Maybe.

Luckily, we weren't attacked by paparrazi, or huge mobs of people, just a few fans or so, sitting in the same theatre. The snack bar girl (of the typical styreotype, braces, visor and part-time job uniform) also noticed Arron and gave him a discount which I found weird I mean c'mon! I'm here too!

We sat down before the movie near the top, but a few rows down smack in the middle of the row, Arron to my right. Some next fan girl sat on his other side. She smiled enthusiastically at him, whipping up a conversation about his plans and filming and all that crap. He answered in a friendly tone, grinning as well.

She then took out a camera.

"Can I have a picture with you?" she asked hopefully. I gotta admit, she has some guts. And she's pretty, more beautiful than the average. The type that can make normal people jealous. But I rolled my eyes at that, pretty or not, she's still annoying.

BeforeArron had answered, I excused myself.

Arron stared after me in concern. Too bad I didn't care. I cursed on my way out of the theatre as I made my way towards the rest room. "Stupid Arron. Stupid fans. Stupid family. Stupid Calvin. Stupid life. I hate it. What kinda date is this. Stupid Arron. Messed up fans. THIS ISN'T FAIR!" I screamed, through my teeth.

Fine, I'll admit it. I'm jealous. Fully jealous. Arron said so, it's a date. I know I'm thinking too much of it and that I'm not good enough for him, BUT STILL! A girl is born to be jealous. URRGGGG!

Life Of A Famous (A Fahrenheit Fanfic) [1]

[1]

How did this happen? One day I'm at home studying for an up coming exam. The next thing I know I'm on the other side of the world studying aboard with my... brother? Let me explain. My name is Naome and I have a huge tendency to grant bad luck to those around me. It's like an everyday bad habit I suppose. I warned them, my fifth family in three years that is. They insisted on keeping a daughter like me, the devil's apprentice as some say. However, I'm still surprised that the police don't suspect me of any type of murder or assasination attempts.

My first family: Let's just say my mother died the day after I was born from loss of blood. My father? Heart attack from too much stress in buisness when I was 5.

Second Family: Car accidents aren't all that suspiscious I suppose. That is, everyone in the car was badly injured except for me with only a few scratches from the broken windows. They soon died after of blood loss.
My third family, had an easier get-go. I was ditching my family barbeque for my friend's birthday, when the oven got on fire and burnt a whole load of their skin.

Now do you still think I'm lucky? Well, after failing my exam, my supervisor (that took place for my busy family) told me to study aboard in Taiwan. Where did I stay? Luckily this oh-so-smart family decided to give me up to a foster home over there until I graduate from high school and get back for university. How old am I? 19. I failed several grades due to the loss of each of my families and moving from house to house. Failing tests was also common. It took me 3 years to pass grade 10.

It's my second year of grade 12 now, and appearantly studying in Taiwan is supposed to help. Unintentionally I ended up evesdropping on my parents and supervisor. Appearantly I'm now staying with some celebrities. Fahrenheit, they called them. I seemed confused I mean why them? They are celebrities. And now... I'm here at the hotel, with them in front of me.

*Sigh* Why can't my friend be the one here. I mean she is the one obsessed over them. I wouldn't care less who I live with, I mean, everyone is bounded to be hurt one way or another.

"Welcome," the manager spoke. I rolled my eyes. 'So stinking formal' I thought. Ignoring him, I went straight up to the guys. "So, which one of your stupid parents decided to adopt me?" I asked grumpily. It's not my problem that they pulled me out of my bed for a 24 hr flight from 3 am in the morning to the next. "That would be m-" the guy on the right, Calvin I'm guessing, spoke up. Cutting him off, I slapped him hard across the face. "You don't know what you got yourself into." I mumbled before grumbling off to the gym I saw on my way there.

Skipping dinner, I didn't return to my room until late that night. Only to be greeted by a voice message on my phone. "Hey Naome, this is Calvin, my manager just told me that my parents demanded I called you each night to make sure you're okay so call me back." I sighed and called the number left on the voice message. "There I'm tired and I'm going to sleep, bye." Was all I said to him.

Why don't I bother socializing with a guy like him you ask? Because I really don't care. The more I get to know people the easier it is to hurt them, that's what I learned from the multiple families I've been to. I hopped into bed in the corner of the huge suite I was given and went to sleep.

The next day was no better. I woke up late as usual, or wanted to. A phone call came exactly at 8:00. "What now?" I spoke into the phone annoyed. "This is Jiro. Good Morning!" I sighed. Why on Earth is he so cheerful this early in the morning? "What do you want?" I shouted back, getting up from my bed. I heard a sudden knock on the door. Walking over, I heard the phone end. "What the he-" I wanted to say but the second I opened the door a body flung onto me.

"What the heck! Get off me!" I shouted as he... Jiro I think it was, slowly started to get off. "What?! Calvin told you to do something stupid for me?!" He looked shocked for a bit but nodded. "He wanted me to make sure you had breakfast." 'Why would he care.' I thought.

"And he wanted to ask whether you were okay or not because yesturday you were extremely grumpy." My eyes widened in realization. "... Yea I'm fine. It was just the sudden news. And I don't like to be around people." The last part came out as a mumble. He looked questioningly at me, probably wondering what I had just said. "Well then if you need anything just ask. I mean the four of us are brothers and you are one of us now. If you know what I mean."

I smiled for once in a long time. "Thanks. I'll... be right down for breakfast." He smiled brightly for a long time and just stood there. I'm guessing he doesn't know I meant for him to go. And it finally hit him. " Oh, oh right, yea... I'll see you down there. So we're cool right? I mean you can count on me... us I mean you know." I nodded the obvious. "Well then I'll see you down there. And remember Calvin isn't your only brother." I rolled my eyes and shut the door behind him.

Enduring the Pain

It hurts to think back
Of those times
Where you and me were friends

'Cuz along the way
We've grown much closer
Like heaven with no end.

The pain only increases
Then comes to the end
Only to have it
Repeat on again

More pain, more sorrow
But those were fine
Those were the days
Where you were mine

I should've let you go
Save all this mere regret
But I'd rather endure the pain
Than picture us never having met

My friends think I'm crazy
In love with you too much
But forget them, forget the world
I don't need them such

They tell me to let go
Move on and continue
But all that is impossible
When all I want is you

I hold you for a reason
'Cuz you should know it's true
I love you for a reason
'Cuz there's no one I want but you

I'm willing to give you everything
My life if you wish,
Anything

I'm willing to do whatever you want
As long as you are happy
One word, if you asked
I could leave for eternity

I could raise my head
And cry out loud
But I'd never recite this
To you aloud

I'd never tell you my pain
Never show you how I feel
I'd never show my sorrow to your face
Even though it's real

For you would suffer
A great deal as I
And along with your pain
I would die

I never want you hurt again
Whether big or small
If ever you get shot at,
I'll gladly take them all



[Published: 02.23.09]

Always

My perfect Romeo

One that I loved so

And to think I'd be the one

To had ever let you go

My vision of life was blurring

As were my eyes

I felt another tear trickle

And more poor to the side

I never wanted to love

I never wanted to know

But as time passed by

I never wanted to let go

So tell me what I did wrong

To make you never come back again

Tell me why we stopped

My life coming to an end

So tell me why

We crashed and burned

Driven to the point

Of no return

I never wanted to let you go

Never said good bye

So clearify my sanity

And tell me, why?

I'm sorry I caused you pain

I'm sorry I caused you sorrow

But at least tell me why

I'd still be wondering tomorrow

All I wanted

Was you in my life

Never having to let you go

Along with the tears and good byes

You made me smile

You made me cry

All the while

Claiming my heart, my soul, my life

It's over now

I should say

At least the pain

Has gone away

All the while

Replaced with more

Unlimited torture

My heart pounding sore

I'm lost again

My whole self gone

And yet still wondering

What had gone wrong

Was it you or me

Or maybe her

Maybe it would've lasted

If she wasn't there

But I would never do it,

Take her away,

I would never leave you like me

Getting duller day by day

You were my number one

And you still are

So if and when you need me

I won't be far

I'll listen, I'll talk

When you need me to

And never forget

I'm there for you

There to cheerish and care

Check all of above

And most of all

You'd always be loved

[Published: 01.19.09]

One By One

Let's bow our heads,
Make no sound,
Let these words.
Be said aloud.

Let's pretend
It's you and me,
Let's have this world
Look and see

That though we're different
And shall I say
Let's pretend
It's the last of our days

Let this world end in peace
No need to fight,
Lead us in calm,
Step to the light.

Let the young child see
There's nothing but you and me
Opposites in all ways possible
Yet no conflict,
Nothing but peace and quiet.

She sees the world for her first time
As if all was perfect
All playing carelessly
As the air flows, flying free

She smiles, giggles
Adoringly, her mother joins
As they laugh in harmony
As all could see

But she opens her eyes
Her face full of fear
She listens closely
As all was heard,
Was the painful cry
Of her mother's heart

Her dream was all but reality
The perfect world of hers destroyed
She pictures herself full of love
And yet here she lays all alone
Alone again for the countless nights

So let's pretend all was real
Between me and you
Let this world change
One by One
Show this world what is love

Let's love not hate
And laugh not cry
Let us combine
What's yours and mine

Lead the world towards its fate
Let's rid the world from all this hate
Let's work to the finish
Until it's done
Let us change the world
One by One


[Published: 01.06.09]

Lies

I thought I'd be free with you by my side
and I was
they were my happiest of my glorious days
and I'd never brought myself to hate them

But then I was blinded
couldn't see
that the pain afterwards would be so much more painful than those memories combined
Enough to wonder
were those happy moments really worth the pain at the end
and that's when I've decided to discontinue loving

At first I trusted those words you spoke so freely
but now I never want to learn to love again
instead I conclude:

All those promises you've sworn you'd kept
all those promises that never existed
promises that were never there
they all fit into my little world


of


Lies



[Published: 12.19.08]

Speechless

I'm looking at the sky tonight
Wondering how I feel
Discusted with my guiding light
I don't know what is real
I often ponder out of fright
If these wounds would ever heal
Light is off, lost all my sight,
My vision of life concealed

No need to tell you
I am sure
You knew my feelings
Were fine and pure
Your love granted me wings
To fly and soar
But I was shot down,
Down in the war

My feet are unable
To get me to where I am now
But somehow I'd survived
Don't has me how

Our relation was a trial
Followed by an error
Now all that's left for me to do
Is to wander full of terror

My love for you was remarkable
The type I've never shown
All that's left is untracable
Now only if you'd known

My love was shown
As downsides follow
I used to think
There's no tomorrow

Living on so much isn't easy
Espcially with such fright
But without you now, my heart is empty
Like darkness with no light

I'm sorry I couldn't express myself
Like others do out loud
I've never told you that I needed you
As much as I would now

And so before
I'd never said
I love you more
The truth and yet

I'm so sorry
That I'd realized just now
How much you meant to me
Though I've never told you aloud

That I love you
More than the world
That no such fairytale
Could compete
More than I had claimed,
More than you loved me

So as I think back,
The stars I gaze upon now
I regret never having
Said those words aloud


[Published: 11.25.08]

My Reality

I've always been capable
to hide of what I am not
before even considering
to give the real me a thought

I hide away the terror
the weakness and fear
only to show now,
what really isn't there

My smile's an illusion
differenced between ups and downs
because what's really there
is nothing but a frown

My smile's like a drug
it's a sin not a deed
an illegal way hiding
what I really need

When there's people around
I take them like there's no tomorrow
but when the drug runs out
it reveals my inside sorrow

From what I display,
life is nothing but good
but when it's reality
the darkness is where I stood

My fool proof disguise is day
my full personality is night
my reality is the sorrow
in which provides no light

no matter how cheerful the illusion
a quick stab with a knife,
my reality is my sorrow
in which provides no light

And no matter how strong the smile
how much it's in sight
my reality is my sorrow
that keeps me up at night


[Published: 11.11.08]

Happy-Go-Lucky

I walk through the halls
with this disguise
plastered on
to hide my cries

My smile's on
as I laugh out loud
my misery locked
without a sound

You tell me you envy
of my irreplaceable smiles
the ones that are constant
throughout the miles

But when I'm alone
the mask is off
depression taken over
my life would stop

I smile because
other's are happy when I do
darkness penetrated
light shines through

My true self
hidden inside
all that's left
are the lies

Lies in which
I reveal
where it's taken over
what I conceal

I smile, jump,
I'm "ms. happy go lucky"
in which the world
thinks is part of me

but truth is
I'm weak and afraid
to the point where
depression is stained

I'm tired of pretending
being what I'm not
tired of misunderstanding
and crying on my own

However, when I try
other's don't believe its me
as if depression is a stage
engraved as a prophecy

And so I'm afraid
to reveal the real me
but instead remain acting
as "Ms. Happy-Go-Lucky."


[Published: 11.11.08]

Congratulations

I have no idea
as to why I'm being irrational
confused by my own actions,
I act emotional

Getting pissed over something
that is unbelievably low
My bestfriend
who left me for that girl

Something I told you
that it would be okay
and yet, I'd never thought
I'd come to dislike it in a way

Yet I'm discusted
not at you
but at myself
for despising the truth

Why can't I congratulate you
like others would
wanting only to run away
if I could

To never feel it again
I'd do anything to run from the pain
to never face you again
but instead, live with the memories I'd gained

I wanna die for refusing to give in
to not be able to bless, but to argue
to refuse at such a rate, the person you love


[Published: 11.05.08]

Love Story

Watching from a distance
I wonder how you feel now
as if it was never part of me to speak
but to watch, carefully as you go out

you were with the one you loved, cheerished
something that was never meant for me and you
crazy as it may seem
those stories were never true

We'd thought it was love
imprinted to our future
but now all that's meant
for you is her

Your smile for me had vanished
replaced with one for her
the time where there was you and me
feels like there's nothing there

all that's left are the memories
which leave me wondering
leading me through my days
in sorrow, haunting

I miss those times where you loved me
when you told me, you were mine only
the times where you and me were left to be
living with love in our fantasy

Watching from a distance,
when there was you and me
living through this pain
'twas the end of the story


[Published: 11.05.08]

My Unspoken Words

I miss your arms around me
the time that you were mine
the hours we talked with each other
there was never enough time

And to think I'm still thinking about you
as if love had no end
I think about you too much now
much more than I intend

We were the past, present and future
as if the rest never mattered
we were never meant for each other
love has no forever

I'm still confused
as to why that ever happened
I only wanted to be with you always
as if love had no end

But now it's over I guess
and that much is true
but explain to me why
I'm still thinking about you

Why our love doesn't exist anymore
why it won't work any longer
why were designed to
penitrate each other

All I want is for us to go back to the way it was before
with us together, when there was no her
the time where there was you, me, and no one else


[Published:11.04.08]

Missing Confessions

I've never had a chance to tell you
before you had to go
so now, I'm stuck here wondering
If you had ever known

My undying yet painful love towards you
unable to be spoken aloud
preparing to break through,
spinning 'round and 'round

I've been in the shadows long enough
enough to think and be sure
to wonder if it'd been long enough
to reveal something whole and pure

I've been thinking about you,
never had a chance to 'fess
and here I am, writing it out
putting myself through the test

As if it wasn't bad enough
my feelings are trapped inside
you'd think for once life would give me a chance
and for once would let me by

And yet here I lay alone
wondering what would've happened
if you hadn't gone

Hadn't left before confession
hadn't put me through this sorrow
then at least there'd be a chance
of seeing my tomorrow


[Published: 11.04.08]

Forbidden Love

I love you,
I really, really do love you
more than the world
and much more than myself

But I fear it's too late
too late to confess
too late to remind you
I'll always be there for you

Also, what I fear is coming true
you like someone else
Have you liked me before?
Either way, it's impossible now

I've warned myself a couple of times,
if it's not now, it might be too late
if I ever had a chance
definitely not now

There's no more need to confess
I'm possitive you know
I am utterly
and harshly falling for you

And so, because you know
what I feared is coming true
first, I lost a good friend
second, I'm still in love with you

From the day I realized
I couldn't stop thinking about you
I also, realized it's hopeless
nothing can shape reality

I'd never been right for you
and you'll never be right for me
an immortal can never get along
with those who are human

And someone like me
will hold back
continuing through the sorrow
until one day death hits me

And because I'm not meant for you
and you're not meant for me
I give up,
we'll never be together

although, no matter how much I regret
I'm still unconditionally in love
with you

striving through this
forbidden love
on my own


[Published:10.23.08]

8 Billion

Out of 8 billion people in this world
There's only one person I want
one person I admire
and one person, that's my soul mate

The person I want, I think about daily
the person I admire, pulls me through
my soulmate, might not even exist

So in the same matter
out of 8 billion people
someone wants you, admires you
and then there's your soul mate

Your soul mate is supposedly perfect for you
the person who worships you
will stick by you 'till your problems are gone
the person that wants you, will be by you no matter how big
or little the situation

I could tell these things to you
but they are all lies
no one is perfect, no perfect love
no perfect life

Because out of 8 billion people
chances are, you'll never find a soul mate
and out of 8 billion wishes
how many truely come true?
But out of all 8 billion people

The only person I want, is you


[Published: 10.22.08]

Co-Existance

Haven't heard from you in years
and yet you call me again that day
asking to get me back
I'd tell you I will, if only there was a way

I'll be the first to admit
I still love you even if a bit
But when you threw my heart away
I was cornered, fell into a ditch

You tell me, somehow, there's a way
and yet for the past year, I ceased to exist
sure enough, I was nearing the end
Now if only I could find an exit

And now I'm left, wandering alone
as your words, your promises
left stalking me echoeing
as if it was all that was left of our memories

You know I can't let it go
like it was never a part of me
to co-exist with another
in which I'd never be free

So you called again to meet me that day
But I'll be the first to admit
I'd rather die, than stay away.


[Published: 10.21.08]

Take me Away

Walking through these streets
with a pain filled soul
I'm looking up to you
once again, take me away
End this pain, love sucks
just take me away

I listen as you play our love song
in the background of your car
A solute to our break-up
love sucks, just take me away

Walking through these streets
with a pain filled soul
I'm looking up to you
once again, take me away
End this pain, love sucks,
just take me away

Painful good-byes, the thing I feared
I told you about it loud and clear
And yet, you put my heart to an end
love sucks, just take me away

Walking through these streets
with a pain filled soul
I'm looking up to you
I ask you again, take me away
End this pain, love sucks
just take me away

And here again,
I think about our historyour time,
a time where there was only you and me

Walking through these streets
with a pain filled soul
I'm asking you
once again, take me away
End this pain, love sucks
just take me away.


[Published: 10.21.08]

Forever

Snowflakes are waiting,
yet to reach the ground one last time
The stain of sorrow came with it
as the whiteness surrounded me
I could hear, very clearly
your calling from behind me
Your warmth forms in an embrace
surrounding me telling me you're here
forever
But everything has an end
just as the blizzard began it's storming
Your body was cold
where was my forever??
You had told me once that you loved me
but waking up, I gave in.
It was over.
My heart, no longer in pain.
My forever gone.
The snow, bleached with red.
Welcome death.


[Published: 10.16.08]

Pain vs. Death

I live through my life in pain
tell me when it would go away
My story retold with tears
sorrow filling these lines
Losing you is not what frightens me,
rather the pain within you that scares me
Same to the factor of death
it's merely the pain that I fear
One gun shot, one staball of pain
Why can't life end peacefully
and why can I not die without causing others sorrow
For it's not the pain that interests me
it's the thought of death itself
So why can't I just end my life now?
while my passion for death is left yet to fade
Let me lieft in your arms of the angel
let me fly with tou away
If god had a reason to put me on the Earth
it was you, you to put out my fire
Kill me now


[Published: 10.16.08]

Waken From A Night Of Dreams

I awoke one night from a dream of yours
Unable to speak, these words outpour
I close my eyes and sing

Was it you who found me
Or me who found you
Was it lies that blind me
Or lines of the truth
Was my heart unspoken,
Unable to fight
Or had my heart been yours,
All along

I tell you no more, as reality shows
That voice in my dreams tells me so
Don't fight no more, don't want you to leave
Watch me as I tell you
As I sing

Was it you who found me
Or me who found you
Was it lies that blind me
Or lines of the truth
Was my heart unspoken,
Unable to fight
Or had my heart been yours
All along

Reality has taken its form now
You're miles away
My heart yearns for you now
Don't go away
As I tell you these words now
Don't go away

Was it you who found me
Or me who found you
Was it lies that blind me
Or lines of the truth
Was my heart unspoken,
Unable to fight
Or had my heart been yours,
All along

I awoke one night from a dream of yours
Unable to speak
As these words outpour,
Let me sing
Let me tell you
You're all I ever needed

A.r.r.o.n. Y.a.n.

A dream apart shown day by day, these words I tell you so.
Round and round up and down, sing to me real slow.
Rememering that voice of yours, feelings pure, devine
Once again, this dream I'm in, reality closer each time
Now creeping closer yet again, as I reach out, you take my hand

Your soul so bright, when all is real, surely it's the end
A drean so pure and left behind, through the miles apart, your heart and mine
Never apart, yet so far in time, I con only dream. My hand in yours and yours in mine.

Trapped

Unable to express my words out loud
I turn to my only alternative
Save me from the world that I'm in now
Save me from going insane

These dreams unable to turnabout
Those words I've never said
Flew swiftly to the surface
Writing through this text

Please accept me for who I am
Not for what I've become
Serving you, trapped in this soul
My battles never won

It's not that hard to feel and try
For what is meant to be
I shed more tears, make me cry
These tears I'll forever bleed

So once again, I'm all alone
My voice will never speak
Soon will come, day by day
My soul will go off, weak