Shards Of Broken Glass

When at first I look and see
Finally know this feeling, being free
Though our past still stalks towards me
I'm enduring it until it takes me away
(until I fade away)

Doubt can't get me to where I am now
They tell me I'm getting there
But I'm only falling down
If I can let it go, it's time to let you know

It's okay, I'm doing fine without you
It's alright, these dreams no longer pain
It's just reality that kills me now

The past no longer tells me
The future I no longer see
Watch as I fall down
It's just reality that kills me now

I'm calming my fears, enduring the pain
Remembering the wounds from our past
Each tear more painful than the last
Cutting through my soul,
These broken shards of glass

Doubt can't get me to where I am now
They tell me I'm getting there
But I'm only falling down
If I can let it go, It's time to let you know

It's okay, I'm doing fine without you
It's alright, these dreams no longer pain
It's just reality that kills me now

The past no longer tells me
The future I no longer see
Watch as I fall down
It's reality that kills me now

Remembering the wounds from our past
Each tear, more painful than the last
Cutting through my soul, shards of broken glass

It's okay, I'm doing fine without you
It's alright, these dreams no longer pain
It's just reality that kills me now

The past no lonfer tells me
The future I no longer see
Watch as I cry these tears
Each one cutting me
These shards of broken glass



Written: July 4, 2009

Concealed Hatred

Hidden from the world
I choose not to reveal
But in my tearms of needs
I choose to conceal

Conceal all that there is inside of me
My pain, My hatred, My fury
For no one would understand me
And then again, nothing would set me free

I'm trapped in my own threat
Cornered into the depths of my wounds
Even if I choose to run,
It turns back around and hits mea gain

"You're inhuman" I tell myself
A beast that hates all life on Earth
Don't get me wrong, I choose to conceal
All this hatred, my personality, it's worth

What would others think
When my thoughts hit them hard
When I show them my pain
Which will rip them apart

Even to those who are perfect
I show them their worst nightmare
The parts that only I see
The hatred living deep inside of me

Think about it again
Then tell me I am what I'm not
Because it's only what I am
I am what I'm not.



Written: October 22, 2008

(note: These poems were written more than a year ago, I just like to update them for the keepsake of it. But other than that, I hadn't developed that much knowledge on how to write decent poems back then and these are some of my earlier ones so please be aware of that.)

Darkness

Sure, it's sunny outside
But it's pitch black in here,
I reach out to the distance
But no one is there

As pure and beautiful
This world may seem
It's not possible for someone like me
To exist in such a place

For there is soul in everyone
In everything of this world
Except me
I do not belong here

In other places,
Peace, calm free
I also do not belong there
For nothing can match me

For there is so much hatred
Darkness, inside of me
That no words can explain,
No senses can hear or see

Inside there is only hatred
Everything but love, peace and passion
Because I hate so much
There's nothing I could do to resist temptation

I'll spare you
Take away my life instead
The only way to free myself
From this eternal darkness



Written: October 22, 2008

Don't Break Down

You know I can't hold back
These days I've only dreamed
Because boy I'm afraid
I'll never be able to hear your voice again

And for those times I've had you
You took my hand and prayed
Forever for my happiness

Boy, it's not longer the same without you
I beh to turn back time
My tears continue, flow endlessly
As you sing that song of mine

*"Girl I beg you, never break down
Don't you cry those tears
Even if your days are marked with sorrow
Don't break down, always come back
Don't lose those tears no more

"Boo 'cuz you know, I've lived my life
Here for you now, no lies, it's true
Take my hear, I'll sing it again
Because I love you."

As my eyes burn,
These tears that I've forced dry
I look at these pictures
I wonder why, why it's forced good-byes

*"Girl I beg you, never break down
Don't you cry those tears
Even if your days are marked with sorrow
Don't break down, always come back
Don't lose those tears no more

"Boo 'cuz you know, I've lived my life
Here for you now, no lies, it's true
Take my hear, I'll sing it again
Because I love you."

My memories of you
None but bloodstained
Take my hand, one least time
Now one last time I sing

Boy, I cray one last time as you sing.

*"Girl, I beg you, never break down
Don't you cry those tears
Even if your days are marked with sorrow
Don't break down, always come back
Don't lose those tears no more

"Boo 'cuz you know, I've lived my life
Here for you now, no lies, it's true
Take my hear, I'll sing it again
Because I love you."



Written: August 14, 2009

Angel singing to me

It's a storm that I'm fighting
A battle against fate
I wanna meet you some day
A dream yet to exist

You're so far away
Yet your voice always sings to me
We've never met
But if one day we could meet, I'd tell you

It's never enough
When I'm away from you
I'm never safe
Without your arms around me
Your voice is here yet you're so far away

It's never enough
Watching you from afar
I'm never safe
Without knowing you are
Tell me there will once come a day
I meet this angel singing to me

I listen to your songs each day
A layer of climbing melodies
A voice so pure, as tears well up
But it's not sadness, I'm happy

A lullaby that sings each night
My heart earns for you so
Promise me, you'll listen some day
As these words outpour, my dedication to you

It's never enough
When I'm away from you
I'm never safe
Without your arms around me
Your voice is here
Yet you're so far away

I'ts never enough
Watching you from afar
I'm never safe
Without knowing that you are
Tell me there will once come a day
I meet this angel singing to me

Your voice, I plea
The source of your beauty
But because I'm only a fan
I can only dream

It's never enough
Singing me to sleep each night,
Singing my personal lullaby
I'm never safe
You're miles away,
Yet you're in my dreams each night

It's never enough
When I'm away from you
I'm never safe
Without your arms around me
Tell me there will come a day
I meet this angel singing to me

Singing to me...

It's a storm I'm fighting
A battle against fate
I wanna meet you some day
A dream yet to ....exist.



[Dedication to Arron Yan. 阿巿，我愛您 ]

Life Of A Famous (A Fahrenheit Fanfic) [3]

[3]

I took my time in the rest rooms fixing my hair, giving up and putting it up a different way. I then washed my face completely and re-applied all my make up. It wasn't much, I liked to stay casual when it came to looks, but I did it anyways. I then went to the counter in the front to buy a large pack of "Goslette Raisins", three of them actually. I knew Arron didn't like chocolate unless it was homemade his way. And thus, of course this was for me, not him.

I went back to where he was in the near top row, the girls went back to where they were with a few guy friends, the guys looked enviously at Arron. Trying to put on my best "happy-go-lucky" facade, I quickly and gracefully hopped the few stairs of the aisle to his side. He stared at me in awe (or more like the chocolates,) with the "are you insane?" look. I shrugged, ignoring him stubbornly and took my place, the ads were still going, the movie wasn't due for another 5 minutes or so. Weird, I was hoping it'd already started so that I'd have some time to think of an excuse before my car ride with him back.

"You did something with your hair." He observed pleasently. His voice remained calm and down in a murmur, I guess he was still trying to keep his profile low. Well at least he wasn't wearing sunglasses inside a theatre.

I nodded at his comment, seeming fixiated on the random advertisements. He opened his mouth to make another comment, I pulled open one box of Goslettes and began chowing, chewing slowly with each peice.

"Naome, are you mad at me for some reason?" he asked, honestly confused. Don't look him in the eyes. I repeated to myself. No, don't do it, don't do it.

I looked.

Fine, I looked.

I froze, stared, fell deep and didn't have the strength to look away.

I knew this would happen. Fine, I'll admit it. Recently, I've found Arron slightly attractive. Slightly. I mean he's cute and all but, it's not like he's that attractive. Maybe. Okay fine, I'm starting to like him. A lot. Ever since Calvin brought me to their rehearsal once and I've listened to him sing! Okay, all of them had pretty attractive parts to themselves, some more obvious than others. I wanted to slap myself for not being able to look away.

"Arron? Omg! It really is Arron Yan!" some girl shrieked. Well, several girls. "Ya Lun!!" Well I guess I looked away, simply to glare at them. Never seen them in the theatre yet so I guess they just arrived. I sighed and chewed my Goslettes quicker and sinking deeper into my seat. I chuckled when Arron faught the nerves to roll his eyes. His hand was shaking, I patted it with sympathy.

"Is that his girlfriend?" one of the murmured while they were heading up the stairs. I almost laughed at that. But the other cut in, her comment almost made me want to dump my large cup of coke on her. "Hah, you wish. Haven't you been reading the mags? That's Calvin's sister." Now I'm pretty sure I imagined the emphisis but either way, it was still gag worthy. It was Arron's turn to pat my hand in sympathy. I almost stuck my tough back out at him when the girls almost ran down the row of seats to reach us. More like him. I would probably go just as well as passing for invisible when it came to fangirls.

I purposely put my feet up on the chair in front of me where no one was sitting, my legs stretched across the walking space. When they reached us, they didn't cross or bother to deal with the obstacle between them and Arron. "Arron! Oh my gosh! Can I have your autograph I mean, I am... a huge fan." The first one spoke. She was the one that pointed out that I was Calvin's sister.

After 1 minute I got irritated. I took out my i-pod and plugged it in, turning the music to max. It drowned out the conversation happening to and fro across me but it didn't work well otherwise, I still felt their presence. They left when the lights started dimming, sitting in the row directly above us.

I unplugged my i-pod and stared at the screen, throwing the rest of the first box of Goslettes into my mouth. I chewed the mouthful of Goslettes and swollowed them though they didn't quite fit down my troat all at once. I was gonna reach down for my second box of Goslettes but something or someone grabbed my hand. No doubt about my stupid paranoia, it was Arron. I had to be truthful, the feeling wasn't annoying but actually quite peaceful. Am I liking him now? I hope not. I didn't want to have a boyfriend, seen in my past, the closer I got to someone, the more painful they died.It wasn't superstition, it was something about my life that was like that. Something that made me neglect people forever.

But despite all that, the more selfish part of me wanted him. Wanted to have him no matter what risks were taken.

I held is hand for the rest of the movie.

During the last scene, we got up and left, we could probably watch the ending another time, but we just didn't want any trouble with more fans.Unwillingly, I let go of his hand as we snuck out of the theatres. As we made our way out the car, there was a sudden gust of paparazzi. Great, nothing better than that. And the stupid manager wasn't here either. We were barely out the door, when they bambarded us with questions, the cameras were flashing at blinding speeds. Without answering any questions, Arron grabbed my hand and excused himself, pushing our way through the crowd. I tried not to imagine what the headlines were to say tomorrow. Unsuccessful, I told Arron to take the wheel when we arrived there because as predicted, a few minutes after we hit the free way, tears started forming. They were gonna do something, it was the media, they weren't gonna stop until they knew everything going on between us.

I didn't know why I was crying, but cried anyways, the stress was too much. Arron didn't bother to say anything but stole a few concerned looks at me once in a while. I stopped crying after, knowing I was being a baby.

I didn't notice where we were but we got off the freeway and he had parked in an underground parking. Suddenly I felt his arms around me.

"Naome, what's wrong? Tell me." He said softly, he patted my head with one head slowly, sliding it gently down my hair. I reached across the hand break and stuff between us and hugged him.I knew I was supposed to calm down, but I wondered if his heart was beating just as fast as mine was. Probably not, he's a celebrity and about 4 years older than me, he probably held more women than I've held anyone.

"I'm scared." I confessed, my voice hoarse and cracky.

"It's okay," his voice soothed me, soft as ever. Never had he raised his voice with me before, and I was glad that's the way it was between us, nothing like Calvin and me. "We'll handle this together. We'll explain to the media, they should know that we're just really good friends. And you should know that you're like a sister to me. Don't cry, it makes me heartbroken.I'll always put myself in blame. Let's go explain to the company.

They'll know what to do. Don't be scared."

A sister...

I swear to never fall in love again.

Life Of A Famous (A Fahrenheit Fanfic) [2]

[2]

Well... I can finally truthfully say that I've gotten used to talking to these people. And probably used to the fact that appearantly they are my new "family". Hopefully I won't get too close as to harm them more than anyone in the past. Luckily though, for the past weeks, I've been so caught up with my studies, the only time I did see them was for breakfast and during the weekends if they weren't filming.

"I don't get it," I murmured to myself while walking down the hallway towards the lobby, "If Calvin's parents really did want to adopt me, WHY ON EARTH IS NO ONE HOME!" I shouted. Today was a Saturday afternoon, WHO GOES TO WORK ON A SATURDAY AFTER NOON?! Besides, it was the first day ever since I started school here in Taiwan that I had no homework. I wasn't even aloud out of the house without one of my "accompaniments." You know what? Forget it, I'm getting out of here. Making my way to the parking lot, I got in my car (which I didn't even get to drive except for once with Arron after school.) Just as I started the engine a voice called out to me.

"Ditching eh? I wonder what your parents would say when I tell them." I looked out the side of my red convertable to see Arron standing beside his car which had just pulled in appearantly. "You wouldn't dare," I replied with my eyes narrowed.

"Your right I wouldn't," He replied with a smile. I gave a slight chuckle, he was always like that. "I wouldn't, but only if you tell me where you're going."

"I was hoping you'd know," I told him, and for once, I looked up at him long enough to end up staring at his facial features. His eyes, the bottom lashes are so... long they make his eyes look... mesmerizing. He was... just plain adorable.

He widened his eyes in concern, "are you okay?" he asked as I snapped out of my dream world. I nodded and opened the passenger door for him to get in. Within two minutes we were setting off in the direction on the free way. "Hey, go off the next exit." He told me. Without questioning I switched lanes and drove swiftly off the ramp. "Okay and take a right at the next light." I did as I was told and soon, we were at an asian snack bar.

"Two skewers of fishballs and two strawberry bubble tea please." he ordered. Within two minutes, the food was served to our table. "Eat up," he demanded.

I sighed and bit one off the stick. "Wow it's good." I acknowledged.

He rolled his eyes and ate some of his. "Of course." However, I stopped in mid bite. "Whats the catch?" I asked suspiciously. He rolled his eyes again. "Can't I just bring a friend out to eat?" I ignored it and continued to chew on the meat. "Hurry up, we're going to a movie next." he told me.

I looked up at him. "Is it just me or does it sound like a-"

"Date."

I was right. My relationship with Arron had grown a lot closer since we first met. Several times, he would pick me up from school, trying to stay as conspicuous as possible. It's only then, I found out how hard it was being a celebrity.

Before, I naturally hated all celebrities (part of my reason for my reaction the first day) because I felt that they don't use their money right and they think they're all that. My thoughts on that haven't changed, but more like influenced when I fould out how hard they had it. Arron, Calvin, Jiro and Chun, always being tackled by fans and papparazi.

It didn't take long beforeI was exposed to being Calvin's step-sister. The rumours before that were crazy.

"Calvin and new girlfriend? Both constantly found living and visitting the Chen residence. Possibly engaged?" I almost laughed that one off. That's when I lost it. Throughout that one week, the rumours have been going off the charts, spotting me with Arron here, Jiro there, Chun somewhere else. They thought I was a whore!

That's when I put my foot down. "Seriously Calvin, tell the media before I blow it." Me and my brother haven't been on good terms since then. We've ignored each other as much as possible. Him, knowing from the first day that I didn't like being here, especially because I didn't want anything to do with him. The rest of the Fahrenheit members I got along well with. Even Chun who is more or less 10 years older than me.

Now, the streets knew the whole truth. They know me as being "Calvin Chen's little sister." great.

"What movie do you want to watch?" Arron asked. We were parked outside the theatre. (We'd learned that debating movies right in front of the entrance, was definately not a good plot. Not with fans running wild) Even now and then, people would stare. Whether at the car or at us, I'm not sure, but they're there.

"I dunno, you choose." I mumbled. He nodded.

In the end, we both decided on a comedy romance film. I couldn't help but imagine the magazine head lines if someone had spotted us. Something along the lines of: Arron Yan dating bandmate's sister? or Fahrenheit's youngest member caught watching romance film with bandmate's sister. Something that Calvin would have trouble getting off his back. Not that much trouble ( I gotta admit, their manager has some skills,) but enough to bother him? Maybe.

Luckily, we weren't attacked by paparrazi, or huge mobs of people, just a few fans or so, sitting in the same theatre. The snack bar girl (of the typical styreotype, braces, visor and part-time job uniform) also noticed Arron and gave him a discount which I found weird I mean c'mon! I'm here too!

We sat down before the movie near the top, but a few rows down smack in the middle of the row, Arron to my right. Some next fan girl sat on his other side. She smiled enthusiastically at him, whipping up a conversation about his plans and filming and all that crap. He answered in a friendly tone, grinning as well.

She then took out a camera.

"Can I have a picture with you?" she asked hopefully. I gotta admit, she has some guts. And she's pretty, more beautiful than the average. The type that can make normal people jealous. But I rolled my eyes at that, pretty or not, she's still annoying.

BeforeArron had answered, I excused myself.

Arron stared after me in concern. Too bad I didn't care. I cursed on my way out of the theatre as I made my way towards the rest room. "Stupid Arron. Stupid fans. Stupid family. Stupid Calvin. Stupid life. I hate it. What kinda date is this. Stupid Arron. Messed up fans. THIS ISN'T FAIR!" I screamed, through my teeth.

Fine, I'll admit it. I'm jealous. Fully jealous. Arron said so, it's a date. I know I'm thinking too much of it and that I'm not good enough for him, BUT STILL! A girl is born to be jealous. URRGGGG!